dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
