My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's rum buckets o'clock
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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