I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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