I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
