worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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