Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
