Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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