my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
