Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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