You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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