Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
