that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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