last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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