I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
