How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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