walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
