i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
