Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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