You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
