that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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