I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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