Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
