just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
