You can't motorboat a personality
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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