I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
