So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
