I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
