dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
