i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Randomize
