I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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