Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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