Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
3 2 1 whiskey
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
