i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
