McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
