My first STD was from a foam party
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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