you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dignity is for republicans.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
