Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
