There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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