call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
