Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
