I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
