im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fuck appropriateness.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
