Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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