there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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