So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
