so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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