So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
