I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
