im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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