Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am available for nakedness
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
